IASASAY 1

written by lankagirl (sars) and me!
Sarindi - Anchor
Young Min, Cindy, Julie- Reporter

In the studio
Sarindi: I am Sarindi Aryasinghe and welcome to IASASAY. We have breaking news update of the Super Typhoon SAMS1. It was created from Pacific Ocean and is currently heading towards Su Zhou. It’s wind speed when it touched down in Shanghai was 300km/hr. According to Homer Simpson’s Hurricane scale this Hurricane is a category 5, it causes the roofs to all fly off and if you are not indoors at that time you will fly away with all the debris and you have a 99 percent chance of being decapitated. If you are at home you have 99 percent chance of getting squash by your own roof or your neighbors flying couch. YAY!!!  Please be sure to bring your pets indoors or else they would die without you. But don’t panic, we’re sure you’re gonna live. You still have a 0.1 percent chance of survival. Trust us; we’re the most reliable news network alive. In case you want to know, it stands for I am stupid and so are you.  Many businesses were destroyed, so now let’s go to the bund, the center of all businesses.  Our correspondent is live there.   Hi Cindy… um… we are having some technical difficulties.   Um, please excuse us…Cindy?? CINDY????
Cindy is doing other stuff
Cindy: whoa!

The bund
Cindy-   It’s already recording?...... oh, um…Thank you Sarindi….Here I am at the bund….Unfortunately the Super Typhoon SAMS 1 has attacked the bund quite hard. The Huang Pu River is over flowing, and Lochness monsters are playing beach volleyball. Jing Mao Da Sa is now crooked and it is now being called the “leaning tower of Shanghai.”  People are hanging from the windows, holding on for dear life. The roads are blocked so police are having a slow process because of the strong winds are not allowing Helicopters to land. Here is Julie who was just rescued from the roof. So Julie, how did you end up on the roof?

Julie- My dog knew something was coming and he kept on barking and tried to pull me away. Then my dog was running so fast that suddenly I felt my feet leaving the ground. Somehow I managed to get to the roof of the Super Bran Mao.

Cindy- Thank you, this is all for now. This is Cindy Chen reporting from the bund.

Sarindi: Not only have humans been affected by this powerful hurricane, animals have been scared too.  (starts to cry…sob…Young Min hands Sarindi a tissue…)  Many of them are running loose or missing.   Let’s go live to the Shanghai Zoo of Extinct Animals.

Zoo
Julie: I am currently at the Shanghai Zoo of Extinct Animals.  The typhoon just passed the zoo a few minutes ago.  There has been major flooding in the zoo.  There are a few missing animals.  If you spot them, please call 5988-0507.  crumples paper, puts it in pocket.  Among the missing are Mr. T-rex and Mr. and Mrs. Bigfoot, the newly wedded couple.  If you see them, and aren’t killed by them, please notify the zoo by calling the number shown..... takes out paper…5 sec, and then throws it over head.   Now I will interview one of the zoo keepers here.

J: good morning, how’s it going here?
YM: Oh, it’s absolutely fine.  It’s just that the mammoths and raptors are trying to kill us and many of us are dying.  But other than that, it’s great.  I am having a great time!!

J: so how many animals escaped so far?
YM: I’m not sure, they are still escaping.  (turns around) Oh my god, the Saber tooth tiger is escaping!! Runs away to catch it……

J: Okay… Now back to the studio.

Sarindi:  Many cases have appeared of looting at department stores, and supermarkets….  Warnings…do not even try to steal flat-screen televisions.  We will hunt you down, eventually….. after 10 or so years.   Young Min is at standby for us at Carrefour, which is a really big shopping place…..  

Carrefour
Young Min: Hi, this is Young Min reporting from Carrefour in Gubei. It has been 10minutes since the Typhoon passed. Here half of the Carrefour is blown away; people are constantly looting from Carrefour, not only for their survival but for the money, such as flat screen televisions.  Here is a witness trapped in Carrefour during the Typhoon. This is Cindy Chen.  So Cindy, where were you when the Super Typhoons SAMS 1 hit?

Cindy- Oh I was on the 2nd floor looking at cell phones. Then suddenly people started screaming and shouting.

Young Min- How did you survive?

Cindy- I used super glue and glued my jacket to the wall and I just hoped that super glue was good quality. I could see people flying past, and tomatoes were flying towards me. I was lucky that the wall I was stuck on stayed and was not flown away or damaged.

Young Min- How do you feel?

Cindy- HOW DO I FEEL? I’ve just seen all kind of things fly past. A saber-tooth tiger, my parents, a flying cow being milked by a farmer… and you ask me how I feel?! I saw my pencil flying off! Starts to cry louder…… sobbing…….sobbing……I’m going to need therapy after this!!!

Young Min- uh…okay…. Back to you Sarindi, this was Young Min reporting from Carrefour.

Sarindi: This has been a breaking news update on Super Typhoon SAMS 1.   It is 15 minutes after the hour and next on IASASAY is “Idiot’s guide to the idiot’s guide of the idiots guide’s… um... yeah whatever…idiots,” so stay tuned after this break……Yes! It’s finally over!!