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Literature Text
***In honor of 8th grade china alive. in which every person, including staff got sick and threw up from a bug with an unpronounceable name. ***
written by lankagirl (sars) and me!
Sarindi: Welcome to IASASAY. Oh and by the way, IASASAY stands for I am stupid and so are you. There has been a major mass vomiting at Paradise Hotel in Yangshuo. This significant mass vomiting has been so severe; it has been given a name: TLMOS, which stands for the large Massacre of Stomachs. Now an expert in Yangshuo will give us some information about this massacre.
Julie: Hello, my name is a secret. Anyways. Approximately 99.99% of the population of Yangshuo has gotten TLMOS. Jocelyn Tsai is the other 0.01% of Yangshuo. We have applied out knowledge of science, and have concluded that Mrs. Tsai does not have the stomach organ. In other words, she is stomach-less. We need a donor to donate a stomach to Mrs. Tsai immediately. (Sarindi “passes” the airplane with the phone # on it to Julie) Ah, the wonders of aviation. Anyways, please contact 5988-0962 (holds up airplane paper) to donate your stomach. In case you have forgotten, to activate your phone, say activate. I repeat, say activate. Let me demonstrate. (Take out cell phone) Activate… ACTIVATE… ACTIVATE GOD DAMMIT! (Pretend to hit cell phone)
Cindy: You have broken your cell phone. You also owe the bank with an approximate of 2000 cifas; do not mistake this currency with sofas.
Julie: Holy (Sarindi “beeps”), this phone can talk!
Sarindi: Please don’t doubt her, she IS an expert. I think. Well, there always is a 50, 50% chance! The “expert” has failed to inform you that an application form must be filled out if you wish to donate your stomach. Now we will have a break. There will be more information on this story after the break, so stay tuned!
Cindy: Can’t lose those extra pounds? But don’t want to give up MacDonald’s? Well, now we have a new diet plan designed just for you! Get a trip to Yangshuo, and enjoy the scenery while throwing up your guts. All you have to do is eat at the New Century hotel, and wait. Before you know it, you will be throwing up that extra weight. We are proud of Mr. May, for the astounding weight loss from our diet plan. (Show picture of Mr. May, before and after) For only $999.99 US, you will be able to lose as much weight as Mr. May has!
Sarindi: Welcome back to IASASAY, now we will interview a victim of TLMOS at the Paradise hotel; where the victims are currently stored in.
Julie: This is the Paradise Hotel in Yangshuo. I will now interview a student from SSA, no wait, SAS. Hello, nice to meet you, what’s my name?
Cindy: Uh… what?
Julie: Oh never mind, it is of no significance. So… How was your experience with TLMOS? Oh and by the way, WLA, that stands for, we love abbreviations.
Cindy: I have been emotionally and psychologically impacted. Now I will have nervous breakdowns every 5 minutes. You see, I have a feeling that my vomit contains parts of my brain, lung, guts and also a bit of rice. OH! And the eyeball of Mr. Erni, who I ate today in the morning for breakfast. (Look at watch) Oh shoot! I’m late for my nervous breakdown! It’s all your fault! I was so busy talking, and now I’m late. (Start sobbing)
Julie: I didn’t do it! It wasn’t me! Blame… uh… HER! (Run out door)
Cindy: (Stops sobbing) Er, I think she needs to go to the mental asylum. Well, if you see her, please call 625d2x904apple-elephantx358. I repeat, 625d2x904apple-elephantx358. I repeat… (Vicky yells SHUT UP) Jeez, what’s your problem? Oh and by the way, that was NOT an algebraic equation. Eh, well, since the reporter left, I’ll take over. Muah ha-ha. Anyways, back to the studio.
Sarindi: Thank you, I forgot my name. I mean, I forgot my name should not be thanked, she ran away. Anyways, New Century Hotel is to be blamed.
Julie: Je ne fai pa! Not MY problem. (Runs out door)
Cindy: Have no fear, for I am Cindy, the (pause) Cindy! (Runs after Julie, while pretending to use a lasso)
Sarindi: In case you were wondering, je ne fai pa is French for…
Julie: I DIDN’T DO IT (from outside room).
Cindy: Yes she did!
Sarindi: (In the background, Julie and Cindy argue) Well that’s it for today’s headline. If you have any suggestions or comments about our program, please phone us at 5988-0962. No, this is not Willy Wonka’s hotline. Not that he has any fans… Thank you for watching our news report, next up is the Idiots Guide to Un-idioting yourself.
written by lankagirl (sars) and me!
Sarindi: Welcome to IASASAY. Oh and by the way, IASASAY stands for I am stupid and so are you. There has been a major mass vomiting at Paradise Hotel in Yangshuo. This significant mass vomiting has been so severe; it has been given a name: TLMOS, which stands for the large Massacre of Stomachs. Now an expert in Yangshuo will give us some information about this massacre.
Julie: Hello, my name is a secret. Anyways. Approximately 99.99% of the population of Yangshuo has gotten TLMOS. Jocelyn Tsai is the other 0.01% of Yangshuo. We have applied out knowledge of science, and have concluded that Mrs. Tsai does not have the stomach organ. In other words, she is stomach-less. We need a donor to donate a stomach to Mrs. Tsai immediately. (Sarindi “passes” the airplane with the phone # on it to Julie) Ah, the wonders of aviation. Anyways, please contact 5988-0962 (holds up airplane paper) to donate your stomach. In case you have forgotten, to activate your phone, say activate. I repeat, say activate. Let me demonstrate. (Take out cell phone) Activate… ACTIVATE… ACTIVATE GOD DAMMIT! (Pretend to hit cell phone)
Cindy: You have broken your cell phone. You also owe the bank with an approximate of 2000 cifas; do not mistake this currency with sofas.
Julie: Holy (Sarindi “beeps”), this phone can talk!
Sarindi: Please don’t doubt her, she IS an expert. I think. Well, there always is a 50, 50% chance! The “expert” has failed to inform you that an application form must be filled out if you wish to donate your stomach. Now we will have a break. There will be more information on this story after the break, so stay tuned!
Cindy: Can’t lose those extra pounds? But don’t want to give up MacDonald’s? Well, now we have a new diet plan designed just for you! Get a trip to Yangshuo, and enjoy the scenery while throwing up your guts. All you have to do is eat at the New Century hotel, and wait. Before you know it, you will be throwing up that extra weight. We are proud of Mr. May, for the astounding weight loss from our diet plan. (Show picture of Mr. May, before and after) For only $999.99 US, you will be able to lose as much weight as Mr. May has!
Sarindi: Welcome back to IASASAY, now we will interview a victim of TLMOS at the Paradise hotel; where the victims are currently stored in.
Julie: This is the Paradise Hotel in Yangshuo. I will now interview a student from SSA, no wait, SAS. Hello, nice to meet you, what’s my name?
Cindy: Uh… what?
Julie: Oh never mind, it is of no significance. So… How was your experience with TLMOS? Oh and by the way, WLA, that stands for, we love abbreviations.
Cindy: I have been emotionally and psychologically impacted. Now I will have nervous breakdowns every 5 minutes. You see, I have a feeling that my vomit contains parts of my brain, lung, guts and also a bit of rice. OH! And the eyeball of Mr. Erni, who I ate today in the morning for breakfast. (Look at watch) Oh shoot! I’m late for my nervous breakdown! It’s all your fault! I was so busy talking, and now I’m late. (Start sobbing)
Julie: I didn’t do it! It wasn’t me! Blame… uh… HER! (Run out door)
Cindy: (Stops sobbing) Er, I think she needs to go to the mental asylum. Well, if you see her, please call 625d2x904apple-elephantx358. I repeat, 625d2x904apple-elephantx358. I repeat… (Vicky yells SHUT UP) Jeez, what’s your problem? Oh and by the way, that was NOT an algebraic equation. Eh, well, since the reporter left, I’ll take over. Muah ha-ha. Anyways, back to the studio.
Sarindi: Thank you, I forgot my name. I mean, I forgot my name should not be thanked, she ran away. Anyways, New Century Hotel is to be blamed.
Julie: Je ne fai pa! Not MY problem. (Runs out door)
Cindy: Have no fear, for I am Cindy, the (pause) Cindy! (Runs after Julie, while pretending to use a lasso)
Sarindi: In case you were wondering, je ne fai pa is French for…
Julie: I DIDN’T DO IT (from outside room).
Cindy: Yes she did!
Sarindi: (In the background, Julie and Cindy argue) Well that’s it for today’s headline. If you have any suggestions or comments about our program, please phone us at 5988-0962. No, this is not Willy Wonka’s hotline. Not that he has any fans… Thank you for watching our news report, next up is the Idiots Guide to Un-idioting yourself.
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Here's the second literacy skit.
Once again, 8th grade stupidity.
Sarindi and I came up with this one.
we are most pathetic
Once again, 8th grade stupidity.
Sarindi and I came up with this one.
we are most pathetic © 2006 - 2024 juliexu1992
Comments11
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OH RIGHT. last year mr. carmody was principal (spelled it wrong before, oops)
i keep thinking of this years mr. i-have-no-neck-and-i-look-retarded
i keep thinking of this years mr. i-have-no-neck-and-i-look-retarded